Real Story: Mary-Beth

Mary-Beth, who has epilepsy, was struggling to find the cause of her symptoms. Then her neuropsychiatrist gave her an assessment for Pseudobulbar Affect (PBA).

I started experiencing uncontrollable crying and laughing episodes in 2017. The physical part of my episodes was completely detached from the mental part of it, as if a force outside of myself compelled me to cry or laugh. This complete disconnect led me to seek answers.

I went to my neurologist, and she thought I was depressed. But I’d been in therapy for many years, and I knew this wasn’t depression. She suspected a mood disorder. But none of those felt true to me. I had enough self-awareness to know it had to be something else. I just knew I was crying when it didn’t make sense and there had to be an explanation.

As these episodes continued, doctor after doctor suggested I was depressed or asked me if I thought something else was wrong. It took 3 years, and I began to feel as if doctors were throwing medications at me like they were spaghetti, and I was the wall—just hoping something would stick. None of the medications were working, and some of them were making my life worse.

Mary-Beth (left) is a real patient living with PBA. The other person depicted is not a real doctor. Image reflects patient’s health status at the time the image was captured.

My diagnosis finally came through a process of elimination. My neuropsychiatrist started asking me questions we hadn’t explored before. She asked me what happened when I tried to stop laughing or crying. She asked me about the feelings I had inside related to my experience on the outside. She asked if my laughing and crying was dramatically exaggerated compared to how I was feeling.

A lightbulb came on for both of us and she diagnosed me with PBA. I felt immediate relief at understanding what was happening to me. I had never heard of PBA and when she described it to me, it actually felt right.